Something Different

So I know I haven't posted a blog post since April and the last one I posted was about my depression. I have been very dormant due to finishing two of my subjects in school (Media and ICT) and because of that, I have more time to focus on my drama exam! Written work is something that is tricky for me as I am not that good at explaining things sometimes therefore it's a little harder when writing big essays. Especially when the sections are up to 30 marks each! But as I have now cut down on my work load, I am still finding ways to procrastinate and I know I shouldn't and just get the work done but over the past few weeks, my motivation really hasn't been there. I want the drive to do the written work, to be able to have the motivation to push myself to get better but it's not there. I don't know why maybe because of depression or anxiety of failure but it's very annoying. It is nearly the end of my secondary education and I can't say i have enjoyed...

Anyone who reads this blog must think I'm a happy person all of the time but that is not true. I am happy most of the time but there are times where I cannot stand life and times where I do not want to carry on. Those times are the worst for me and I hate every second of them. Normally when bad things happen to people they feel sad and upset about it but for someone with depression the feeling of sadness is heightened. I remember when I found out my mum had cancer back in March 2013, I was very sad and even got checked out and was considered mildly depressed. Then my mum died in December 2013 and my mental health decreased. I didn't talk to anyone about it because I wanted to deal with it on my own. It wasn't until starting Year 12 (September 2014) where I realised that my feelings of sadness were much more rooted and heightened than normal people's sadness. I read up on how depression affects people and saw I was feeling the same as other people who had depression. I...

Well another day comes and goes, so do people. With me, everyone eventually leaves. They get bored of me and just say "f*** it, she's boring. Let's find someone new". When you lose a friend like that, it puts your confidence down to the floor. No one ever wants to feel like that. Ever. I know when people don't talk to me it's because they're bored of me. They hate me because I'm depressed or have issues with my mental health. I am not normal. I do have problems and yes, I am trying to fix the ones in my head but how can you fix something that is so broken, most pieces have been lost. If you know me and you are reading this, I do have mental health issues. I do have something that in one second my mood can go from excited and happy to depressive and upset. Anything can trigger it. A message, a photo, seeing someone. I can't stop it, it just happens. You probably don't understand how I am but it's good you know that sometimes I'm down a...