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Things Go Wrong In Life

Well another day comes and goes, so do people. With me, everyone eventually leaves. They get bored of me and just say "f*** it, she's boring. Let's find someone new". When you lose a friend like that, it puts your confidence down to the floor. No one ever wants to feel like that. Ever. I know when people don't talk to me it's because they're bored of me. They hate me because I'm depressed or have issues with my mental health. I am not normal. I do have problems and yes, I am trying to fix the ones in my head but how can you fix something that is so broken, most pieces have been lost.

If you know me and you are reading this, I do have mental health issues. I do have something that in one second my mood can go from excited and happy to depressive and upset. Anything can trigger it. A message, a photo, seeing someone. I can't stop it, it just happens. You probably don't understand how I am but it's good you know that sometimes I'm down and cannot improve my mood.

Emotions suck. They really do. They're horrible. You either feel happy or sad they used to say but now there's in-between. You can feel anything on that scale now.

It's coming up to Christmas which means something else for me as well. The 8th December is a tough day for me. This year, it's 2 years since my mum lost her battle to cancer and I still think she's still here, just I don't see her much...

It's hard when a parent dies when you're young. You don't know what to do. You feel like the world around you is collapsing. A part of you has died too. You can longer be like you were with that person because they were the only one you could be like that with.

I have grieved for my mother for nearly two years. Only now, my depression has worsened, my anxiety is at it's most and my paranoia is high. Things don't go as planned in life but you keep strong for the people around you. That's all you can do. Be strong and carry on. You may have some weak and tough moments but you get over them.

"She hasn't got depression" you say? Until you have it , you don't know what it is like. It's not just feeling sad or upset. You can't do anything. I try to do work but I can't. Sometimes you just stare for a couple hours at nothing because you don't know what to do any more. Having both depression and anxiety is the worst thing. You can't do anything but you want to do something and your mind is restricting you.

Advice:
Stay strong. You will get through the tough times ahead. When all seems lost, something will come along and make it better. Think of yourself as an arrow, you're being pulled back till you are let go and pushed in the direction of something good. You are going to be okay. Just love yourself for who you are and do what you want to do, not what anyone wants to do.

Stay Strong ❤

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